oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There was a lot of him and a little penis
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
