smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He is an equal opportunity slut.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
