Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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