Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
