Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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