Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
