i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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