I wish I could teleport
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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