dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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