hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
