blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
