Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
