I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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