even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
