i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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