I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
