how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Damn victory sex feels great
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
