She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize