i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
