no you cant smoke seaweed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize