I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
