Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
