so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
