Will you blow on my dice?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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