Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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