It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
