i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
