Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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