hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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