I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
