Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
