That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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