Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
