this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
