Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
