i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
