Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
