ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
