No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
