mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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