Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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