she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
