He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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