I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
