Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
