I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
