I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
