I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
