drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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