I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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