He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
