I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Randomize
