it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
