it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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