fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
