burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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