I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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