In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
