It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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