Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
