do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
