That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just gift wrapped bread.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
