and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
