So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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