I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
