Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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