...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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