Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
