1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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