I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize