Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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